The Ugly Sweater Brigade

Sometime ago, a certain sibling of mine inducted her then boyfriend into two exclusive clubs; the ugly tie and t-shirt clubs. Many years later and he has now graduated from these brotherhoods and has now entered the world of business casual. Now he sports funky t-shirts and suave ties, in replace of the free t-shirts and just plain old ugly silk nooses. She has won her battle.

I am just beginning mine.

There comes that time of day when PJs are tossed aside for the more restricting yet more fashionable attire of things such as jeans and sweaters. And so many times, my darling Nick has pulled on a sweater, looked at me and said "This is a nice sweater, right?"

Panic strikes. I don't know what to say. Do I agree? Do I pretend that, yes that thing is acceptable? Or do I tell him the truth? I don't want to hurt his feelings. So I do what every good girlfriend does. I cock my head to the side and go with obviously false agreement.

"Do you think it's a nice sweater?" Always best to answer with a question.

"I did...." The seeds of doubt have been planted.

"Well... if you like it, then you wear it."

The wheels turn in his cute little head. "Ohh...." he whines. "You hate my sweater don't you!"

Again not wanting to be cruel. "I don't hate it..." I lie.

"Fine." His tone reminds me of a child agreeing to eat his broccoli. "I'll wear something different."

I stop paying attention to what he's doing and continue getting ready myself. A few minutes pass and I turn around. He has changed his sweater.

I don't have to say anything. My face speaks for itself.

"You don't like this on either?!" Defeat is near.

"I didn't say that." Remain calm.

"Where's the sweater you bought me?"

"In the drawer." Another battle won, but the war is not over.Thus I bring you the Ugly Sweater Brigade.

One never knows when its soldiers may come over the horizon and into the tender light of day. Each of its members offensive for different, yet similar reasons. It is not going to be an easy task banishing all of its members to the good-will bag. But one day, in the hopefully not too far off future, I will be able to look in the closet and know that the Ugly Sweater Brigade has lost its fight and been defeated.